| Jerry Seinfeld Quotes |
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US Comedic Actor.
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Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very excited, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
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Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?
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If the cops arrest a mime artist, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
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A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
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Now why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse and say, 'Let us in! We're all wearing leather!'
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
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Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not the color, but to accept God's final decision on where your lips end.
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I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
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Let me ask you something -- if someone's lying, are their pants really on fire?
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