| Tim Allen Quotes |
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US Comedic Actor.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you're tired and most of your balls are missing.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
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