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Observations quotes

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When you're involved in an accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.
-- Billy Connolly
When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?
-- Billy Connolly
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
-- Harry Shearer
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
-- Marty Feldman
Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?
-- Jerry Seinfeld
Now why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse and say, 'Let us in! We're all wearing leather!'
-- Jerry Seinfeld
Let me ask you something -- if someone's lying, are their pants really on fire?
-- Jerry Seinfeld
I look at every person on this planet and realise they were all a baby at one point.
-- Drew Barrymore
How many people think bottled water is a farce? You think it's weird that "Evian" is "naive" spelled backwards?
-- Dennis Miller
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